Blog: Think before you start a difficult conversation

Procrastinating the conversation only makes it harder to have it

Ever been guilty have procrastinating a difficult conversation? You are not alone! Having a though conversation is a though thing to do. And if you add in the fact that many of us are working remotely these days, doing this in a good way can be even harder.

But here’s the thing, postponing the conversation will only making it harder, and can send a signal to others that’ we’re willing to tolerate certain behaviors while it’s silently aggravating us on the inside.

Think about these questions before you dive into the conversation

• What makes this conversation hard for me?
• What emotions do I feel?
• Why is it important to have this conversation?
• What outcome am I hoping for?
• Do I have all the facts and what are they?
• How have I contributed to the situation in any way?
• Were my expectations towards the other person clear?
• What might be going on with the other person?

After you think, then write 

Often, we say things out loud which sound totally different than we intended them to be. In addition, our emotions might get the better of us. Therefore, write down what you are feeling and what you want to say before you have the conversation. Make sure you are using:

• Facts
• Specific examples
• Positive language
• Keep out the emotional stuff

Once you’re having the conversation, make sure it’s constructive using these tips

Start the conversation on a GENUINE positive note

Thank you, appreciate your time, happy we can meet about this, love to hear your point of view on, …

Use a positive and light tone of voice

Our voices color the tone of the conversation. The heavier your tone of voice, the heavier the conversation will be. Having a lighter tone will lift up the talk!

Give context and highlight strengths

Put the conversation into context and find opportunities to highlight strengths in the other person and the good stuff that has been happening

Use inclusive language

Every sentence that starts with “I …” can damage any cooperation you want to get from the other person

Avoid: “I’d like you too…” I need you to…” “I’m here to tell you…”

Rephrase these with inclusive language: “Let’s go over …”Let’s look at how we can …” “Could you elaborate on your point of view…” “What are we thinking about…”

Listen

Let them do a great deal of the talking, that helps the other person clear their mind and gives them room for process the conversation. Demonstrate you are listening with your body language and encourage talking with words like “Tell me more…” “Can you give me an example…” “How did that make you feel …” “What were you thinking at that moment …”

Clearly state how you see the ideal situation after your conversation

Difficulties are often caused by unclarities. Be concise and clear in the outcome you are looking for and give a specific example of how the ideal situation would look like.

Collaborate on the way forward

Let the other person do a suggestion on how to move forward and add your ideas to this. Come to a positive agreement and end the conversation with a genuine thank you!

The only thing left is to do your preparation, and have the conversation, good luck!